Monday, August 1, 2011

Big Drama

Care Bear here.  I guess I'm not important because I've gone through a traumatic experience this past week and do you see anything on this blog about it?  NO.  I'm having to come here myself and tell you my troubles.

First off, I've had this little, uh, problem for a while.  I'd post a pic but it's kind of embarrassing, not that my mother cared when she posted it all over Facebook.  I had some weird nipple thing going on, it started to look like an alien and was all inside out then Dr. Becky poked it with a needle and ooky stuff came out.  It would be ok for a while then it filled back up and I was all who cares, I don't even use nipples but they said no more draining it, I'm going under the knife.  Just like that, like I was a Thanksgiving turkey to be carved.

It was a surprise blitz, I thought I was going to work with Mom that morning and next thing I knew I was HERE:
I still looked happy at this point because my friends Dr. Becky and Marie were there.  I was kind of getting suspicious though, I mean I'm behind bars and all.

Next thing I knew I was seeing rainbow colored unicorns flying over my head throwing down steaks like those people throw out candy at a human parade.  When I woke up I was all confused and looked like THIS:
I thought maybe it was all a dream until they took that blanket off and I saw it.  It was like I had been shanked, only with a straight cut and a nice stitch job.
To add insult to injury I was just supposed to have my teeth cleaned I guess and now I'm missing three.  It's a good thing those unicorns were a dream since I couldn't chew the steaks anyways.

I decided I had enough with being manhandled and forced into surgeries like I lived in a communist country, I was about to protest but Mom gave me illegally drugged peanut butter and I was all:
Now I have even bigger problems because my stupid brothers are making fun of me behind my back.  They think I don't hear it but they're saying stuff like how I'm not cool because I'm nippleless.  I don't even know how many I'm supposed to have, I can't bend my head down far enough to count them.  I tried googling it but that was a bad idea since it brought up all kinds of weird stuff.

So that's my story.  I thought I was going to the office, instead was doped up, cut open, my teeth yanked out, doped up again and now I'm half naked and missing a nipple.

Bear

PS  Marie said the ball of stuff they took out was pretty big and weird.  I guess that part is kind of manly.

4 comments:

Gus said...

Poor Bear. The things those hoomans put us through is not to be believed! We hope you are feeling a bit better now, and Teka would be happy to come nurse you.

gussie

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Ouch! That is big news. We hope you recover quickly. Don't eat any more doped peanut butter, though!

Ailsa,Teesha, Burtie and there Humans said...

Ohh Bear. get better soon. Just watch what they feed you from now on, no more unicorns

River said...

Jeez, that was some surprise. I hope that's the end of it.

love & wags,
River