Monday, November 9, 2009

This is an anon-e-mus post.

Dear Readers,

I can't tell you who I am because it's too embarrassing.  I'm trying to write like my brothers so you can't tell who is who.

I need advice.  My sister keeps humping me.  This wouldn't be so embarrassingly bad if she was like Pooka's size but she's pint size.  I chew on an antler and she climbs on top.  I'm playing with my other sister and there she is again.  Not only that but she tries to eat me whenever I get close.  I might need Xanax soon to deal with the stress.  How do I make her stop?

The innocent beat-up Brat


Gus said...

Dear Innocent:

It is tempting to tell you that she wants to hump you because you are so sexy. But truly, there seems to be a "thing" with little female dogs and big, hullking male dogs.

Teka, for example, has never DARED to hump me. But my pal Travis...the great dane who lived with us for a while....wellllllll...Travis was a hump magnet for her.

Kinda like tiny little women and big, tall men.

(oops, sorry muzzer, didn't mean you and dad.) hehehehe

in sympathy

pee ess...travis moved back with his mom when she came back from the UK, but for you, this is not an option. Right?

Ruby Bleu said...

Oh no...tell your Mom to get a squirt bottle and fill it with water. Every the time pint-sized offender tries this, Mom should squirt her. That's what happens to me when I try to do that to Bob and I don't much like getting wet.

Lots of Licks, Ruby

Asta said...

Deeq an anony moos,
This is indeed a cunundwum.
Pawhaps you can distwact hew wif some stuffies and tweats..It's not youw fault you have nothing to be embawwased about
smoochie kisses

Peanut said...

Want me to come eat her for you?

wally said...

Dear Anonymous,

I am afraid I have to side with the sister on this. I too am old and (relatively) small but I hump the heck out of my brother. WHy? Because I can. When you're old and the smallest one you gotta make yourself seen and heard the best way you know how. So hump away, my elderly sister!

wally t.

Biggie-Z said...

Dear A Nonny Mouse,

I get girls humping me all the time. I really don't mind it. Is it stressing you out? Maybe see if your Momma will give you treats while you're getting humped, then you can be like George Costanza in that Seinfeld episode when he was listening to the ball game, eating a big sandwich and ... humping at the same time.

Good luck,