Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Wanted: An Efficient Assistant

Seeing as how our biped hasn't helped us update our blog in an eternity we are forced to advertise for a new ape.

Requirements:
-Must be on call 24/7
-Provide us with unlimited gourmet meals and treats
-Proof of an open credit card balance of at least 10k for our vet fund
-Actually keep our blog updated
-Give us massages daily
-Take us for adventure walks at least two times a day
-Buy a luxury vehicle we can all ride in and stick our heads out of our own windows (with heated seats please)
-Take us on vacation to exciting destinations...like the beach
-Pretty much do anything and everything that we want when we want it

Salary:
-You get to serve us, isn't that payment enough?

References are required....and not from a cat. They don't have the understanding of the level of attention we need.

30 comments:

Gus said...

My muzzer meets most of those qualifications, except for the luxury vehicle, and the part about keeping the blog updated.

However, sharing with Teka is hard enough. Do you think you could come one at a time for a couple weeks? I could handle one more rotating competitor, but prolly not all of you.

kissies anyway
Gussie

Katherine and Pippa, said...

I feel for you all. But, how many times have I posted up that I want to get rid of rubbish mistress and everyone comes back and tells me how good she is. You don't get much sympathy on here.

Anyway, if you have some success, ask around for one for me too. I'm still in the market for a better model. Good luck.

Pippa

Sophie Brador said...

You can have my ape, but I feel it only fair to warn you, she gets really bent out of shape if you snap your collar to chase a cat. She's a little high strung that way.

xo
SB

Ferndoggle said...

If you find that assistant, we're coming to live with you!

SP&L

Lady Kaos said...

You guys are funny. You can't get rid of your Mom though. You'd miss her way too much. You could find someone to take care of her, too and then she wouldn't have to work and she could help you blog whenever you want!
Good luck!
Kaos

Peanut said...

Well we like our mom and would let you come live with us but she doesn't meet a couple of those requirements.
But if you want we can trade bipeds for awhile and then I bet you want to go back to your mom

The Zoo Crew said...

Definitely send applicants our way too! I'm afraid mom will really start slacking again with our blog...I mean, look what happened with our 2-legged sisters' blog...she started slacking and now it's GONE!

Peace + Paws,

Kai

Steve, Kat, & Wilbur said...

Hi Pups. Good luck on your search for an assistant. Too bad we don't have one to loan you!

Hey, our mom wants to know what kind of treats Sam gets because we're not supposed to eat anything fatty or sugary for a while. Mom's stressed because she doesn't know what to do with our kongs without peanut butter.

Steve and Kat

Tofu Burger said...

Hi Guys... I just read your requirements and I don't have a mom to loan you. My mom does none of those things!! Can I cross post 'Help Wanted' on my blog? hee hee hee

Loves,
Tofu

River said...

Hmmm if I could just get HM to stop working I think I'd have a solution for you!! Though the car isn't luxury it is great for leaving sand in after the beach!!

River

Lacy said...

woofies Brats...heehee now u wood miss u mama to much and u nos it...who wood b there to take u to da vet when ya need it and luv u all, as much as she does...i weally dont fink u can find anybody better to u all..

b safe,
;)lacylulu

Ruby Bleu said...

OOOOOHhhhhhhh I want one of these too!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

The Daily Echo said...

Woo. Good luck with that! If you find one ask if they have a clone.
ECHO

Butchy & Snickers said...

Gee, we need an assistant like that too, hehehehee! Good luck on your search. That's a pretty tough list to fill. Have a great week!
Luv & Wirey Hugs!
Butchy & Snickers

Nanook and Pooka the Newfoundlands said...

Oh my goodness - I cannot believe how much we have missed since we fell out of the blogosphere - you guys have had so much heartache! HUGE newfie hugs from here...we love you guys

Nanook and Pooka

wally said...

Hmmm. That sounds great! I need one of those assistants, too. Mine is LAME-O. Lousy car, puts me on a diet, no massages, etc. etc. We need a union.

wally.

Lorenza said...

Sounds like you all are asking for an army of assistants!
I am with Kaos. Get an assistant for your mom and I am sure you will get "almost" all those things you want!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Sparky said...

That sounds wonderful! I need to get one of those, too. Hope you find one! Let me know when you do, and I'll come visit for a few weeks!

Sparky

Two Wild and Crazy Guyz said...

Good luck with that guyz! But it already looks like your assistant is way better than ours!
Ozzie & Rocky

Kirby said...

Wow are you guys smart to advertise your need for a helper. I should do the same, Mom has been less than stellar lately. It's quite frustrating. Let me know if you find any one good, maybe we could share!

Your pal,
Kirby

Kapp pack said...

awww....don't be so hard on your mom. SHe really tries and would do anything for anyone of you!

Woo woo, Kelsey ANn

Jan said...

That's a very good want ad. You could write them for a living. We hope you find a new ape - uh, we think you meant human.

jans funny farm

Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Happy belated Barkday Tucker - I am so sorry I missed the big day. We have had internet problems :-( Hope you had a great one buddy.

Love
Opy

Amber-Mae said...

Hahaha! Oh gee, I think my mommy is not qualified to be your employee! She's hopeless, believe me!

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

Maggie & Mitch said...

awwwwwwww, give your mom another chance! She's worth keeping around we think!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

4xBs said...

hee hee! those are good. it seems like those do apply to your mom. maybe she just needs more training and a few treats.

woofers.

Biggie-Z said...

If you have any extra apes, can you please send them my way? My humans have decided that Nothing in Life is Free and they are actually making me WORK. feh.

Biggie

Dakota said...

Heated seats........ that's a good one.
Any applicants yet?

Sitka and Tia's BLAWG! said...

I wonder since mine has apparently neglected me and yours has neglected you all... I wonder if we switched would it make a difference?

Hugs,
Sitka

Roxie, Sammy and Andy said...

Good luck guys but we think all bipeds have shortcomings. They try hard but they just aren't perfect like we are. We think maybe you should keep the one you have. What if you get a new one and find out she/he lied about meeting your qualifications?

Roxie, Sammy & Andy