My soulmate Sherman tagged me to tell about Mom and I'm soooo excited! At first I was going to get her to write an essay like his Mom, but mine is a pro-cras-nator and we'd be waiting forever. I've decided to copy other dogs and have an interview with her. This way she can't ramble on forever either. This is my first intelektual attempt so be nice.
I thought I'd wear Mom's glasses so I'd look like a serious reporter, but things just got really fuzzy. How does she see out of these things? Maybe that's why I'm not being fed enough. OK, forget that. This is a print article anyway so we don't need pictures.
Dot-Spot (D): Hi Mom, thanks for letting me interview you.
Mom (M): You're welcome, I hope you'll be nice. I've read some of these other interviews and they had some hard hitting questions.
D: Not me, Mom. You know I'm just ditzy Dottie, right?
M: :::laughing::: Right.
D: That's not nice. I'm very smart.
M: I know, I know, I'm just kidding.
D: Then why do you treat me like I'm an airhead?
M: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
D: Well, I hope it stops now.
D: On to my questions, I want to cut right to the chase. What did you think when the shelter called and told you I was there with my puppies?
M: I thought "how much work could nine 3 day old puppies be?"
D: What did you think when you got to the shelter and saw all of us?
M: Ummm, "what the hell was I thinking?"
D: Why didn't you let me keep my puppies?
M: :::sigh::: We've been over this, there was no way we could all live together. You met all of their new parents and know we found good homes.
D: Yea, ok.
D: Can you tell us what you do to support all of us?
M: Construction stuff. You wouldn't understand.
D: Cause I'm Ditzy Dottie?
M: NO, because it's just pipe stuff and it's not that exciting. Believe me. Grown men don't understand it sometimes.
D: If you don't like pipe then why do you do it?
M: So I can pay your vet bills. Oh, and buy you new toys on a daily basis...and buy your 9 million dollar Rabbit and Potato food...and..
D: Nevermind. We get the point. Do you work on the street and hold up a sign like those construction people we see from the car sometimes?
M: No, I work in the office.
D: Is that why you don't exercise?
D: Since you don't exercise and don't watch what you eat why do I have to be on a diet and exercise plan?
M: Because you're way overweight and it's bad for your health.
D: And it's not bad for yours?
M: Leave me alone about it.
D: Oh, I see. Sensitive.
M: Next question or this interview is over.
D: OK, if you didn't play with pipe for a living what would you do?
M: I'd be a writer, maybe kids books.
D: Are you qualified? I mean, you've never given birth like me. I think I'm more qualified than you to write books for the young. You could be ruining our future leaders.
M: I'm getting up.
D: Ok, Ok, sorry. We'll move on.
D: You spend a lot of time without us, what do you do when you leave the house besides work? You leave us home a lot and we've all been wondering.
M: I hardly leave you Brats alone so don't even try that. When I'm gone I'm probably shopping for you, or picking up your medicine or something.
D: Sometimes you come home smelling like food - what do you like to eat? The only thing we see you eat here is stuff that you bring home from Sonic and cereal.
M: My favorite is Mexican and Italian.
D: What diet are THOSE on?? Nevermind, no answer needed. What else do you like to do?
M: I like to travel -
D: You do remember that Thrawn has seizures when you leave town right??? Is it really worth it?
M: Like I was saying - I LIKE to travel but don't do it much. I want to go on a Cruise, learn to scuba dive, go on some humanitarian trips to maybe Haiti, that kind of thing.
D: I hope Thrawn doesn't read this, it could push him right into a seizure bout.
M: It's not like I'm leaving next week, Dot.
D: I should hope not, you just had a vacation and that's enough till 2009.
M: You're driving me crazy. I also like to shop, do stuff with animal rescue, I'd like to do more home improvement stuff but just haven't gotten around to it. Other than that I just like to spend time hanging out with you guys.
D: Do you think I'll have more brothers and sisters?
M: NO. Five is our limit. Period.
D: Uh, huh. I thought four was our limit. Are you going to have a litter of humans?
M: NO. We're not having human brothers or sisters either.
D: Phew, I hear that they steal a lot of attention. (I learned that from Lady & The Tramp) Do you like girl dogs or boy dogs better?
M: I like you all equally.
D: But you like me best of all, right? Cause I'm the best and the prettiest.
M: Everyone is equal.
D: Except for me.
M: Is there anything else you'd like to know?
D: Are you ever going to build us a room of our own on the house?
M: Why do you need a room of your own? You don't leave my side.
D: Well, yea. We have nowhere else to go because we don't have a room of our own. Plus you just said you wanted to do home improvement. Can we have a pool?
M: You don't swim.
D: Well, Tucker does and maybe Bear. They paid me $5 to ask. What if Tucker's joints got bad and he needed to swim for therapy? Would you buy us one then?
M: We'll see when that happens. For now, the answer is no.
D: You say no a lot. I don't think that's healthy.
D: We're almost out of time and I'm getting sleepy. Let's recap - she eats junk food all the time, she sits on her butt all day at work, she doesn't seem to have much of a life outside this house and she's too stingy to build us a room or a pool. That's about it in a nutshell. I didn't really learn much about her that I didn't know. I don't know how helpful this interview was. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a Dog-Reporter, maybe my calling is elsewhere. I better get that "What Color is my Parachute?" book and figure out what to do with my life.
PS: We are tagging Harley & Hagen, Cosmo and Tasha & Eva!